A dramatic survival narration involving a dead pig, two distressed dogs and a 50-metre cliff plunk isn't typical gossip mag fodder, just plucky jockey Michael Walker's death-defying narration is this week's best read.
The 24-year-old champion chouse is convalescent at home with his pregnant fianc�e Candace Smith and two year old son Kase after embarking on a pig hunt trip in May that he should not feature returned from.
Perhaps God was smiling that day because he really likes bacon.
"We'd been hunt for a long time and during the day I got one pig, which weighed about 50kg, and I had that on my back," Walker tells NI.
"I was on a ridge and I could view that my dogs were struggling with another pig. The ridge was about two metres across and I jumped ... I just made it across but slipped and fell down pat the cliff.
"The last thing I commend is falling at speed with the weight of the pig, and hitting the rock headfirst."
Rocks usually win when they take on human heads only, miraculously, Walker is active to assure the story, recuperating at home in Taranaki patch waiting to see if his injuries will put a staunch to his riding career.
Whatever the resultant, his squealer hunting days must sure be over. Doesn't miserly you give to give up roger Bacon, though.�
Walker isn't the alone sports lead hitting the headlines, as former international cricketer Stephen Fleming admits he and his married woman have been struggling to cope with the newest addition to their family.
With a uncollectible case of colic, the first 12 weeks of little Cooper's life haven't been ideal, but Stephen and his wife Kelly ar now able to front back and laugh about their son's birth.
Fleming had rush-returned from a stint playing cricket in India, and was pleased to find a familiar facial expression in his wife's�birthing unit.
"We had an Indian specialist on our birth team so, regrettably for Kelly, a caboodle of the talk was about cricket - in between the pushes," Stephen tells Woman's Weekly.
Perhaps a few throw downs in the hallway could have filled in those boring�bits.
Elsewhere, Australian conference player Nathan Fien is enjoying biography in Auckland with his wife Belinda and their family of four children, Woman's Day reports.
But�the Warriors star admits the couple are suckers for punishmeant and trying for a fifth�child. Their large family�is the resultant role of a drunken marriage proposal on a night out.
"It was a whirlwind romance," Fien tells WD. "I wanted to lock her up early."
Do you have a trunk cock-a-hoop enough?
Other stars who hit the headlines this week:
* This week's biggest wedding comes courtesy of Hollywood's most famous lesbians, Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi.�Unfortunately, no one's stumped up the cash for the official photos so readers have to make sense of a series of grainy snaps, the worst of which is in NI. That's weird�- it doesn't normally snow in California in August.
* Britney Spears' sister and mother-of-one Jamie Lynn Spears is struggling to come to terms with rumours that her groom-to-be Casey Aldridge cheated on her while she was six months pregnant. WD reports Casey had an affair with older woman�Kellie Dawson, something Casey has denied.�Perhaps Kevin Federline could help kind this mess hall out.
* Has Paris Hilton had a tit job? Her representative says no only WD has pics of the socialite showing "trey times as much chest flesh" as usual. And she's non the merely one - WW has snaps of Isla Fisher and her 'chest flesh' on holiday in Hawaii, while Eva Longoria showed off an impressive range of outfits at the Alma Awards, getting changed 11 separate times. Perhaps she had diarrhea.
Finally, the quote of the week comes from Desperate Housewives star Felicity Huffman, wHO once well-tried on Madonna's used G-srings: "I was like, 'This is Madonna's underwear.' So I tried it on and, of track, it didn't fit me."
Firstly, yuck. And secondly, what if Madonna's sweaty gruts had fitted you, Felicity?
Free underwear is never what it seems.
* What do you intend of this week's scuttlebutt? Post your comments beneath.
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